Skinny's what we aim for

Soooooo kinda been a while eh? Well, today was going fantastic until my mother decided to talk with me. Lately I've been feeling under the weather, and apparently I haven't learned, and told my mom. She was talking to me today and was like Lovely, have you been eating? 'Why of course I have, what are you talking about?' well you're sick and I never see you eat, so I think you not eating has caused you to become sick. 'But mom I eat all the time! You're being silly, I just have a bug.' well whatever you say, but I brought you some cake today, so please eat it.

 fjaioasufiosdafweahuiwe qio wior ueriwnu. I hadn't eaten anything all day. Chocolate cake. Chocolate. I only ate half though. But still! ugh. There was no way of avoiding it right? ughggioudguha. Anyways. I plan on not eating, ever, so she can suck it.

So my first love A has decided to become my friend again! I still love him, and I think he still has feelings for me too. But my mom really never wants us to be together ever again. : ( She thinks he's gay. But he's only bi. Ugh it's all really fucked up. She just doesn't want to see me get hurt again. ugh.

My ex best friend C started talking to me again also. Maybe she will finally forgive me! I really hope so, I miss her. But Skinny will always be my number one. I love her so much, she's just so freaking amazing.

All I can think about is not eating tomorrow, and seeing how long I can go without eating and food food food! Hahahahah I love it though. It's better than thinking about like death right?

Stay thin! WE can WIN!!

~Lovely

Well F me sideways

What a horrible food filled day. I really truely didn't want to post today, but I just want to get this day down so I can forget about it and move on. So yes, I ate a shit load today. I feel horrible. But the only thing making me okay right now is knowing that tomorrow I won't eat, and I'll be hungry. I love being hungry.

The only good thing about today was that I got to see my wonderful family. I love my little cousins. But it was weird because my parents recently got divorced, so I didn't eat dinner with my dad like I have for my whole life. It was kind of depressing. But I got to see him after dinner. It just wasn't the same.

I'm through with boys for a while now. A, my first love, hates me. He hates me, and it makes me cry. I miss him so much it actually hurts. It hurts even thinking about it. Ouch.

Skinny and I are decorating her house tomorrow, for Christmas. I'm really excited because I get to meet her sisters! Also I love Christmas, so that's good too. I've decided to set a goal for myself. By January 29th I want to meet my goal weight of 100 pounds. (Actually 99, but Skinny wants me to shoot for 100) but yes, that gives me about 2 months to get there, I think I can do it. All I've got to do is quit eating, no big deal ha. I seriously think I can do it though.

Well I hope everyone elses Turkey days went better than mine.

Stay beautiful and strong!
~Lovely

Pictures.. nerves

So, I decided to post pictures of my success.. or what I hope to think of as success. Skinny (live.laugh.love.it'sfastingtime) is the one on the left, I'm sitting down. You can see why she's my thinspo. She's incredibly skinny. And this is after eating for a day.

I will admit I love my collar bone in this picture.

Here's what I looked like when I was chubby.

 Ugh. It disgusts me. Freshman year. Gag. Never going back to that.


This is me at my skinniest.

This still isn't skinny enough for me though. I just want to be unbelievably skinny. I hope that day will be soon. I ate a bit today. A bit too much for me to want to post, but not enough for me to call a binge. I hope I can skip all meals tomorrow.

I had a lot of fun this week. I just don't want to think about my first love A or my ex best friend C. I just want to think about my amazing best friend Skinny and my new pals M and P. They love me for me, not who I used to be.

So, I hope we can all lose weight. I have faith in all of us.

~Lovely

Loss

I lost 2 pounds!!!!
115 bitchessss hahaha.
Soooo getting closer, I love it. Fasting = working. Love love love it. Didn't eat today. Just had a mocha. Got a little dizzy, but no biggie.

I let G know I wasn't looking for a relationship, he took it well, said he wasn't either, so that's good. Tomorrow Skinny and I are chillin, then I'm having a sleepover with M and P, we're going to Hell's Bridge with our ouija board hehe. Should be a good time. I'm not sure how to get out of dinner... but I know I will find a way. I've been so good with excuses lately, I'm actually kind of proud of myself.. wow weird.

I've been trying to stay up later so I can be awake to lose calories, but it's hard dude. Like it's midnight, and I have to wake up at 6:15 tomorrow (ugh) so I can take Skinny and myself to get mochas before school. So I'm already real tired, and tomorrow won't be better, even more tiredness. Oh well, being skinny is totally worth it. Love seeing my abs just because I'm skinny. LOVE it.

I'm thinking of posting some pics of myself.. idk is that weird? Prolly no face.. but like hopefully thinspo? Hmm I'll have to think about it and see what you guys say.

BTW!!! I'm so happy to have followers now, I feel like I'm actually talking to people now hehe. And I already love all you ladies <3

Stay thin and happy!
~Lovely

ps- What is everyone doing for thanksgiving? Kinda freaking out about it...

Better

Today I ate a fortune cookie, but that's all!
I'm pretty happy with that. I won't eat tomorrow though.
I found out that my pulse is 92 per minute when the regular is 72... so either I'm really stressed or something's wrong with me.. does ana have anything to do with this?

I'm beginning to calm down a bit, I was super stressed yesterday, it sucked. But now I'm back on track, takin tests and hanging with friends. Skinny is coming over tomorrow so we can avoid dinner together, plus we need a girls day.

G... well I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship quite yet. Love is hard to get back to, especially after long loving relationships. I was in a relationship for 2 years.. over 2 years actually. And we loved eachother, and I think I still love him. Does love ever go away though? Well, my parents are getting divorced, so either it goes away or it's just not enough sometimes. How incredibly sad. But I know I'll love again. Someone new, and better for me. I just have to wait.

In the meantime, stay skinny! And hott!! Ow OW!!
~Lovely

don't hate me

My dad took me out to dinner. I made Skinny go with me.

I fessed up to my recent cutting adventure, I cut my wrist and stomach last night. oops. off my pills for too long I guess.

I'm too tired to think. too tired to do school. too tired. tired. I think I'm losing it and I don't know why. Skinny is amazing. G is incredible. School... school is not so good lately. I just gotta get back on track right? fuck me thanksgiving. fuck.
sleep.

~Lovely

: / Failure

I'm so stupid.
I stayed home from school today because I didn't study for a test, so I tricked my parents into thinking I was sick. My stupid loving dad brought me soup, then crackers, then heated me up lasagna. So much for my fast starting today.

But I'm going to shake it off and start tomorrow. Skinny and I are going to the park after school, to walk calories off and talk. Then I'm seeing paranormal activity 2 with my pops. I'm excited to get scared. Recently I purchased a ouija board with my pals M and P. We used it, and it was super fun. Then we went to a cemetery late at night to look for a witch, we didn't see her, but it was still very scary. So I've been very big into getting scared.

G noticed I wasn't at school today hehe. I'm just so giddy about him.

I'm just ready to get skinny, that's all.

We're in to thin.

~Lovely

ENOUGH

Enough of this shit!
I HATE eating. No more eating on weekends. No more eating during the week. I'm going on a fast. A long one. Starting now. Til at least next week Sunday. A full week. I think I can do it. With the help of Skinny of course. And all of the amazing blogs I follow.
This week was very successful. This weekend.. not so much. But it's okay. This fast will make up for it. And it'll be a water one too. Unless I feel light headed, then juice.
Okay. I can do this. With help : )

SOOOOO... G and I snuggled while watching a movie on Friday, so I was kinda skinny, but it was really nice. Really nice.

I've decided to do a fun dance workout every single night. Dancing to up beat thinspo videos on youtube : ) I'm excited. It'll keep away the depression and help me lose calories right before bed too. yay!

Stay beautiful!
~Lovely

FAST FRENZIEEEE

I love fasting, I love it!
Even though this is a no solids fast, and I still get minimal calories, we're talking like at most 200 a day, I still love not eating any solids. It makes my tummy happy.

Tomorrow I can fast because I'm going to coffee with my classmates so I can say I'm eating with them. Then Thursday Skinny and I are spending the day fasting together. Then friday we're eating chinese with our dates... but we plan on purging. Then dinner, but purging that too.. I think.

So I've been forgetting to take my pills lately ahha.. That's why I've been so emotional. I take anti-depressants! Yay happy pills!! But they lower the chances of me being suicidal, so I like em.

G said I was really skinny today, he picked me up.. which I did not like. He's so friggin skinny, I need no other thinspiration than him. My pants didn't fit today. It was awesome hahaha.

I just love everything about being skinny! I want to fast and be with ana for the rest of my life!! Until I get pregnant.. hmm I wonder how that will work out..

I have a test tomorrow, so I'm outtieee. But yea, fasting for my second day now, can't wait for my third and fourth.

Being thin is the only way to be.
~Lovely

Good days

Today I have eaten.. nothing. My insides are pure and empty. I can feel it when water trickles into my stomach.
G is amazing. I know something is going to happen between us. Skinny and her guy are totally cute.

Every day I go without food gets easier and easier. I don't need food. Why did I ever think I did? Being skinny is so worth the hunger pains. Now that my stomach has shrunk, eating food hurts more than not eating food.

Tomorrow I won't eat.
we don't need food.
~Lovely

Ohhhhh G : )

So as you may have noticed from the title, G and I have been doing really well lately. We sat on the bus together, and I totally cuddled with him and slept on him, it was amazing. Then we placed 4th at state, and that's really good for our flight. So on the way home we snuggled and napped. Then at J's party we went for a walk and we told eachother our stories, and I'm so happy he knows it and doesn't really care : D. Now I don't have to feel like I'm hiding things from him. Skinny told me that she thinks he likes me : )))) So idk, hopefully something will come about from that.

I did so well this week. Then on saturday Skinny and I decided to celebrate and eat, not a lot, but still some. We decided to fast all week until friday, what a challenge! But I know we can do it, it feels so incredibly good to be empty. I just want to be able to say yea I haven't eaten in three days. How awesome would that be? Or to be able to say, yea I weigh a lot less than I should. Btw my current weight it 113. So close to 10 somethings, then 90 somethings. Ugh I want double digits like non other. I love seeing ribs hips and collarbones. Bones are beauty.

So get this, I'm in touch with God again. It's been so long since I've connected with him, but I finally realized all the signs. Skinny was put into my life at just the right moment, and she has a really good faith (I went to church with her today <3) And then there's G who is the most spiritual person I know. He leads youth worship at his church (he plays guitar) and he goes to church like all the time. He just recently invited me to go to his church, and I'm super excited. Skinny's man has also invited us to his youth group, so it's like God is shouting at me that he's present in my life : D.

I've decided that God wants me to fast. Jesus did it, maybe it will bring a clarity to my life. I feel like it already does. Fasting just seems like a good central thing to rely on in my life. Like I can always plan on it.

So on Friday, Skinny and I are going to double with G and her man, we're going to get chinese. It's a buffet, so we're going to totally pig out, then purge it all. I can't wait. My stomach already hurts from just eating a little, so I know I'll be able to purge it.

I can't wait to feel hungry again. I will reach my goal.

Thin is easy.
~Lovely

Oh what a day

I just enjoy not eating so much, once the first day is done it just makes me want to never eat again. But I did have two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Just because I thought I was going to faint.

Skinny had her first completely clean day today, I'm super proud of her : ))) She also helped me flirt with G. And now he talks to me a lot more <3 sooo happy!
I'm pretty sure I can sneak it into the convo that I want to sit with him. And I'm pretty sure he'll sit with me cuz hes such a sweetie.

I worked out so much at guard today, I definitely burned off those dreaded peanut butter spoonfuls. But I had this really weird thing where it was like cramps but I'm not on my period, and they were more sharp.. Anyone ever have that? It was very uncomfortable and lasted about an hour.

I look so skinny, I can't get over it. But I just want more more more! I want the weight to drip off me. To melt away. The longer I look the more imperfections I see. OH! And this girl who is like my biggest thinspo ever admitted that she used to be ana. So that is how she got so friggin beautiful. It works! lol. It's just nice to actually see major results in person.

Tomorrow Skinny and I eat nothing, unless we feel like we're going to faint..

stay thin! stay positive!
~Lovely

Clean

I feel so clean and as light as a feather! I ate... ready for this? NOTHING!!! Not a single bite of food crossed my lips today. It feels amazing. Tomorrow I will see the full results of today and I can't wait. Tight shirt for sure.

I didn't eat because I was so busy I think. I had singing lessons, then coffee with my friends I haven't talked to for a while, so we had coffee for like 2 hours. Then I came home and just did homework. Being busy=being thin.

Do I want to eat before colorguard tomorrow? Ana says no. My stomach says yes.. My brain is currently unsure.

Skinny says I should drink more sugary things to keep me going. I'm not sure I need them.. Maybe I do and I just don't know it. I did have a cinnamon spice tea latte today. It was fantastic, not gunna lie. Things just taste so much more after not eating all day. It's a bit addicting.

G and I talked again today : ) I definitely have a crush on him. He is so deep and musically inclined, I can't help but be attracted. He also is passionate about God and love. I mean come on! How much better does it get?!?! I really hope he figures out that I like him. Soon. I'm not very good at flirting. ugh.

I wonder how people maintain their weight. Like it feels like I'm always either gaining or losing. Never just staying the same. I need to figure that out for when I reach my goal.

goodnight for now
~Lovely

Government

Frickin student counsel made me eat half a bagel today. But that's all I ate. YAY! And my bro came over and ate like half my halloween candy. And I did crunches.. Idk why I did crunches, but I wanted to, so I did.

G and I have been talking a lot lately : ) He is so cute!! I really like talking to him. And he's really skinny hehe.

Skinny is a cutie of course <3

stay thin, stay classy ; )
~Lovely

Candy

It is so incredibly hard for me not to eat all of the candy I got trick or treating. So hard.
I didn't eat much today. Some candy and a couple bites of tuna helper. I don't plan on eating tomorrow.. or the next day. or the next day.
Well here's the new diet plan: Don't eat anything. Unless your parents make you eat dinner, if they don't, you can eat one piece of candy. But I think tomorrow, I'll just do nothing. Because it's a clean day anyways.

G is so fucking hott I can't stand it. I need to talk to him more. I can't stand the intense attraction I have towards him, ugh. And I finally told H that I don't like him, but he still is talking to me. weird. J doesn't know I don't like him, I don't know how to tell him : /
I saw G today and he winked at me : ))) *sigh* I think this is a big ol crush, and I loooove it. He is on drumline, so we ride the same bus, and this saturday we have a 3 hour busride... and I plan on sitting with him for at least some of it, I hope.

I wish people would follow me :/

Love you all!
~Lovely