I'm back

Fuck the healthy way. Takes too fucking long. But this time, I'll be exercising a lot more.
Let's become bones.

Thinspo 24/7

All I ever think about is thin.
I have tumblr on my ipod and a bunch of anamia songs on my ipod which I play nonstop.
I'm obsessed with it. The life style. The control. The simplicity.
What have I had to eat today? 2 apples, an orange, 7 carrots, and a cup of au gratin potatoes with bits of ham. Pretty good I think.
I just want to be thin. The end.

Just when you think it'll get better

I was grounded for two weeks so I couldn't post or view or anything!!! It was torture. I also gained because I'm off meds so I have to keep my blood sugar high for my brain. But I'm done with that. I'm back into this twisted world. I need to be skinny for prom and summer. Today is the first day of spring which means shorts season is here. I need to look good.
So yea Luke was an ass hole. All my friends warned me but I just didn't listen. It's whatever though. I'm way prettier than the girl he's after now so nbd. I don't even care, I think I was out of his league. Haha I just keep saying these things to make me feel better. Oh well. I don't get my phone back til april : ((((
Color guard has started up so I'm getting back into shape. I've really gotten into biking. I rode 7.8 miles the other day. It felt amazing. I've been doing planks and lots of ab workouts.
I just wanna be pretty. I miss my best friend, skinny. I still consider her my bff even though we never talk anymore. Maybe we can hangout more once guard gets into full swing.
I love you all and I hope these last two weeks have been okay.
~Lovely

Too long

Sorrry!!! I have a tumblr now, and that's where I go for all my thinspo, so I kinda forget about this place, but it's equally as thinspiring.
SOOO Luke. <3<3<3<3 I'm going to fling with him, and he is so hott. We just really get eachother. We both have done stupid things that have ruined our reps, but we both know that people can change, or that people make mistakes. He doesn't know about ana.. but he told me I have a beautiful body : ))) Of course I don't, but whatev.
Tomorrow and Friday are total fast days. 0 caloric intake, including drinks. The thing is I have to try and weasel my way out of a family dinner. I'm thinking stomach cramps are in order. I can't wait to look so hott in my dress. It already fits looser than from when I first got it, yay!
I've been really stressed lately, ACT is next week and I need to make up tests and these snowdays aren't friendly at the moment. Gah. But being skinny will help, I'm sure.
Wish me luck beauties!
~Lovely

Valentines

So the other day I didn't eat for 24 hours, but then my birthday happened, and I ate a ton. But I'm back on track, eating as little as possible all the time, feeling awesome.
NEWS NEWS NEWS!!
A boy, and I, have a thing. His name is Luke, and he kissed me today, and we are officially a thing. He's a little shorter than me, but he is a senior, and he's super nice and funny to me. He also takes anti-depressants like me, and he tried to off himself too, and he goes to counseling where I used to go. Idk, we just like the same things, and have the same sense of humor, and I just really like him, and he's a great kisser : )
I'm so happy, I have really good thinspo now. He gave me a piggyback ride today, I hated it, I want to be skinny enough to not care. I will be, for him, he deserves a skinny girl. : D
I hope you guys had a good v-day too : )
stay thin
~Lovely

Birthdays a comin

So I'm on my droid and this will be a quick post.
Total cal intake =75 :) I'm so happy about this, and I burned them off in anatomy class today. This day would have been perfect, but my dad had to get all mad and make me sad and my parents fought. It just sucks. But tomorrow I'm dressing up as an indian, long story : ) but I'll be super cute, cuz I'm skinny : D

A... date?

So I haven't caught up with anyone's blog yet, but I thought I'd post first.
This week has been going so well! I've just been restricting like none other and it's slowly working : ) I will be wearing a dress for my birthday : )
So about my title... There's this guy, his name is Luke, and he asked me to go to the basketball game with him on friday. We used to be acquaintances, then we just stopped talking for no reason. Then recently we started talking again, and like texting all day long, about deep stuff too. Now we're hanging out and stuff, I'm super psyched, he's so hott. And he's the lead singer in a band (heart melts) He's just super nice.
I think I can get away with not eating dinner before the game too. Hehe, ana always sneaking herself into my thoughts. She's like a ninja lol.
The closer and closer I get to being skinny the better I feel : )
Well that's it from me. I'll check your blogsssss
~Lovely

boysboysboys

Sooo fling (school dance) is quickly approaching, and so is my birthday, both of which I want to be skinny for. My birthday is next weekend!! Finally 17, I can't wait, even though it's kindof a stupid birthday, like I can't wait to be 18.
Boys : ))) Okay so Friday I only ate a salad for lunch then went to the gym and did awesome!!! I'm not really sure how many calories I burned, but I'm sure it was at least my tiny salad and then some. After my workout my dad made me eat a granola bar, but that's it!!! God I felt great. Then I hung out with M and we went to her work, the movie theatre, and she introduced me to all her work friends. This one kid, super cute, was like M who's your friend, so I introduced myself, and he asked how old I was and he was like damn I was gunna ask you out!!!! OMGGGGG EGO BOOOSTTTT!!! It felt fucking fantastic, not gunna lie. Also Tony has been like totally flirting with me. I told him I couldn't find a dress so I might just go naked, ya right, and he was like oh well I get the first dance...!!! Idk, I just love getting skinny and boys noticing me. I really really love it.
dafjdusifusdofjsd tomorrow my mom's taking me out to lunch then my family is having a family dinner for my birthday. ufgajfjfkl. Maybe I'll purge... I am just finally making progress and it's all getting ruined because of my dumb birthday. jd. fdksjaflkd,.fjdosfuiosk.
Anywho, thanks for all the suggestions on sleep, I definitely will be trying to get more.
I hope all of you can feel good : )
~Lovely

TOMORROWWWW

I'm so excited!! I get to go to the gym tomorrow!!! I want to spend like hours there tomorrow. And hopefully I won't have anything in my tummy tomorrow so I'll just burn fat : )
sounds like a plan to me folks.
I had another blizzard day today, so I vegged out all day : / It was good though, I enjoyed the break from school.
Bad news: I'm going dress shopping on saturday and I do not have the clothes shopping body yet. ughhhhhh. I guess I'll have to get over it though. dmsfjdlsjf.
You know I'm having a hard time deciding if sleeping or staying up is the better calorie burning choice. What do you guys think? I heard you burn calories while sleeping, but I know you burn them staying up.. Which is better?
Love you all!
~Lovely

I guess I deserved it.

I just wasn't stable enough to start the skd. I will just be restricting, and hopefully be on a fruit fast for a while. At least until I'm back on track.
Today was a blizzard day, so no school! Yay! I should have used this day to catch up on my homework.. but enjoyed the blizzard instead. We have like 2 and 1/2 feet of snow on the ground at the moment, it's amazing.
Tiny Intentions encouraged me to post ten facts about myself, so I'm going to : )
1- I want to be a doctor that flies planes on the weekends.. I wanted to be an astronaut but then found out how hard it would be to do that.

2- I forced my ex-best friend and all my other ex friends to hate me. It's a long story, but maybe I'll tell you guys someday.

3- Two of my close friends are ana. One of them has taken it very far and is now having heart complications, I'm really scared for her : (

4- I have over a 4.0 and I'm very proud of it : ))))

5- My brother means the world to me, we love eachother and we share the same sense of humor, he's 4 years older than me.

6- I absolutely love animals. I volunteer at the humane society and it takes all my will power not to sneak those doggies home.

7- My favorite animals are pandas. But I do own a cow collection. And I love penguins... I just love black and white animals : D

8- My parents are getting a divorce and I love looking at new houses with my mom. I love imagining starting fresh in a new house, it gives me goose bumps.

9- I only feel pretty when my hair is curled. I have naturally straight hair.

10- I am one of the most empathetic person you will ever meet. I tend to take on the problems of the world and cry because I can't help and save everyone. This is the main reason I'm on anti-depressants.

Well there you have it, ten truthful facts about me : ) I feel like this snow day has cleansed me and I can start over fresh and good tomorrow. Who knows, I might even fast.
Stay strong
~Lovely

fjaiosdufiojsdvnkldfhagofysdfjksdj fldsfjsdf jsdjJKLFJkaUFIOLFJDSFKJJSDFJDKSU.

So this weekend was a wreck. FUCKING colorguard people have been talking shit about me behind my back so I decided to let this weekend fly. I regret it totally. I read everyone's blogs so I really want to start the skinny girl diet tomorrow. So I'm going to : D

I'm super excited!! I just want to do this. And I think I'm going to add my own few rules.
1- Whenever possible fast!!!
2- Only negative calorie vegetables and metabolism boosting fruits don't count
3- I must exercise for 30 minutes everyday
I really think I'll be able to do this one. I want to do it for my school dance, and so Tony thinks I look cute : )
I just feel so fat guys : ( I'm going to take before pictures today... That's how fat I feel. fml.
But it can only get better from here. The dog days are over. I love that song. haha I'm rambling.
lOve you aLl
~Lovely

50th post : ))

Happy 50th post!! And I am happy.. for the most part.
I used my nausea as an excuse and got through almost the whole day. M came over after school and she kinda made me eat a little. Only a piece of toast and a granola bar. And we had musical practice right after, so I think I worked some of it off.. And I have hunger pains right now so I think I'm okay. Well I'm good with it.
I'm going to chicago on friday!! I'm so excited!! I think I'll get a lot of exercise in and I will be able to avoid food, hopefully all day. Tomorrow I will be able to fast, if I can find the will. I will find the will. I have to. Done.
Guess what?? A boy has been flirting with me!!! THINSPOOOOOOO! His name is Tony.. Awkwardly close to Anthony, which is A, my first love. But I don't give a crap. He's a senior and he said I'm really nice : )Now he's talking to me about the upcoming dance. Gahh this is cool : )
I'm going to the humane society tomorrow to work with the dogs : ) I'm really excited because it starts at 5 so I can say I ate before, and basically I get to skip dinner. So really it's all up to me if I don't eat anything tomorrow. I really have the opportunity to do it. I just need to find the will to not go to the fridge. I can do it. I have to do it for you guys. I need to be an inspiration.
I need some z's yo.
Keep being beautiful!
~Lovely

Damn pills

I'm doing well again!!
I had a school lunch, and a carrot.
The carrot is because of my damn pills. It's late and I have major nausea from these stupid anti-depressants I'm taking. I didn't take them all weekend by accident, and now I'm paying the price of having the side-effects back. Nausea, that only subsides when I eat. So I had a carrot. And it didn't even help. Fuck. But you know what? I'm just going to deal with the nausea and use it as an excuse not to eat : P take that.
I feel really good about today, I really do. And tomorrow I shouldn't have to eat at all. I have musical practice all day after school tomorrow, from 3-9ish, I just have to avoid M offering to take me to get food during break.
M made me a mix CD, it was super sweet of her : )
God I just feel like puking! I hate being nauseous!!! :'/
Stay skinny, we can do this
~Lovely

I hope...

I think maybe not as many people are posting because they're doing just as bad as me?? Maybe??
: /
Stay strong.. blah blah
~Lovely

New Ideas

So I have new ideas.. obviously : P
I totally failed this weekend, let's not talk about it.
I think I'm gunna do just breakfast, for as long as I can. Kick start my metabolism with grapefruit, then starve.
I went to my greatgrandmas house tonight. She just had her breasts removed, damn breast cancer. She's doing great though. She really wants to get out of the house though, she's very social for being 79. She was talking about her will, and it was really depressing. She's leaving me this gorgeous native american turquoise necklace.
Anyway, my dad started this new gym, and I'm gunna talk to him about having me possible join. I really want to work out, like swim work out, I love swim working out; I'm boss at swimming.
I really want this whole semester to be amazing, I'm gunna do my homework and work out, and get skinny!! Oh, I'm so excited.
You guys should listen to joseph birdsong. His youtube channel is disneykid1. He is an amazing singer.
You know where I get all my thinspo? Tumblr!! It's amazing. Just thought I'd share that with you.. okay I'm rambling.
One more thing! Ha. I went to look at houses with my mom today, it was super fun. All the houses need a lot of work, but they're all so cute!! The only thing is all of them I'd have to share a bathroom with my mom... Not so excited about that.
I hope all of you can get motivated!!
~Lovely

Examsss

Studying, avoiding food, sleeping. That's what my life consists of at the moment.
I miss Skinny. I'm scared.
I just want to be thin. I'm so close.
Stay strong.
~Lovely

Hello again hello

I'm doing so well. Shall we leave it at that? Sure why not.
I've come into the habit of talking to myself, and I like it because it reminds me of scrubs : )
I got my cartilage pierced... and it got infected. ugh. Oh well tho, it's super cute hah.
EXAM WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! You know what that means??? I get to use studying as an excuse to skip dinner!!! YAY MEEEEE!!
Results came in and I am.... A royal staff person/dancer. I am exstatic!!! I will be dancing, with a lot of attention because there are only 4 girls, so I need to get super skinny, I think I'm already the smallest, but I want to be sure. This is for the Cinderella musical btw : )
I'm so tired. I slept like all day though. I don't know, I have a very strange body when it comes to sleep. I feel as though I could sleep forever.

I am in such a weird mood. I want to have a tea party in a blanket fort while we watch harry potter. I want to go swinging and play hopscotch and make believe I'm a princess. I want to put lip stick on and high heels. I want to go in a bubble bath. I want to snuggle on a couch. I want to walk in the forest for hours. I want to drive around until we get totally lost.
We. I keep saying we. I have nobody to make my "I" a "we". I just want A back. I just want to dance with him, I want to waltz. I want to swing dance. I want him to tell me I'm so light, he always used to say that. I want him to kiss me and tell me he still loves me and always has. I want to bake with him. I want to talk about our future like we used to.
Why do such sad things happen all the time?
Why does love never last?

hello loves

So today I didn't eat. Then I had to eat dinner so I purged it then did crunches. I'm just gunna purge everything, all the time.

I got my cartilage pierced! It hurt, but I love it. I got a hoop so it's super bad ass haha.

Musical auditions have been all week, and tomorrow's my last one, acting auditions, super excited. I love the musical. Also I've been teaching to dance to the guard girls, so I get exercise everyday : ). I've been really stressed with everything though. Like super stressed. But it's almost done.

I just am so ready to be skinny.
Stay wonderful and gorgeous
~Lovely

Nothing

Nothing really to say.
Thanks for all the comfort guys, very much appreciated. <3
I'm just gunna fast tomorrow. With coffee after 6.. so yea : )


Also, you should all fall in love with this band : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIIzxeBUqug&feature=BF&list=PLC45DDD1D33D35D5D&index=2
They pretty much rock my world hah.
~Lovely

:/

You know what sucks? Seeing your mom cry, and having to comfort her when all you want to do is cry with her. My parents are getting divorced and the date was finally set. March 9. Ugh.
In better news, I barely ate today and I can already see a difference. yay. I'm just not really enthused right now. But yea I'm doing a fruit fast now. Idk for how long.. but hopefully a while.
I feel so stupid!!! I didn't mean bella, I meant mia.. that probably clears things up a bit eh? Ughhhh embarrassing!!!
Thank you guys for the encouragement. Holidays are over. I'm going to get skinny. This is happening.
Let's get skinny.
~Lovely
ps. I'm doing this colorguard thing where I have to write dance and flag for a song, so I'm getting a workout in 45 minutes a day at least!! yay!!

cool workout

http://www.youtube.com/v/AimPOSXe7n4?
4 minute workout I thought I'd share with you guyssssssss
~Lovely

School can suck it

So.. I should be reading for my class... but I really want to post, hence the title. Plus I only have to read 100 more pages and I'm not even tired.

Okay. So I'm fat. I'll just come right out and say it. I've been eating like.. dare I say.. a normal person? UGH how could I!!!??!?! I totally let myself down. Holidays are such a bitch. But now they're over so I'm going to lose a bunch of weight. I've obviously built up my metabolism, so when I don't eat anything tomorrow, I should feel really hungry, I'm very excited. I've also decided to post everyday : )

OH!! This is really cool. I received a droid for christmas, and on said droid, I downloaded this really awesome app. It's a calorie counter, where I have a food diary, a weekly weight in, and a goal weight. It's super awesome. I'm very excited to use it. Oh it also tracks exercise, so I'll be motivated to actually do it ha.

Well I really do need to do my reading. Sleep well ana angles!

~Lovely