old friends new habits

I have to eat tomorrow. A lot probably. I'm going to hang out with my friend, and she wants to go see a movie, and movies mean popcorn. Then later that night I'm going out to dinner with an old friend of mine. Ugh eating eating eating!! I just want school to start so I can get away without eating like all day long.
I think I'm going to be hanging out with M and P for new years. I really don't wanna babysit. Also, my brothers girlfriend came over yesterday and stayed the night, she's really awesome.
Tomorrow night Skinny and I are having a sleepover!! YAY!!! I miss her so frickin much! And we can spend the night not eating! hah.
Well I really need to get to bed. I'm gunna try and catch up on everyones posts, and comment.
stay motivated!
~Lovely

Droid

Soo I am doing this on my new droid so it'll be short and sweet. With the new trait year coming up I've decided to share with you my new years resolution. I'm only going to drink waste. It'll be hard.. But worth it. Also I'm going to get more serious about ana. I may possibly go bella.. What do you guys think about that?
I'm not going to lie, the holidays have been a bitch. I've been forced to eat a shit ton. Also, my brother is home and he always is eating, and makes me eat with him. It'd frickin annoying. I'm gong to try and fast for the next couple days. Then I'll weigh myself on new years, and track my progress from there. Oh for my resolution, I'm allowed to have coffee once a week.
Have any of you seen black swan? It's an amazing thinsporation. Also it's a great movie. You should go see it.
I hope all of your holidays went better than mine did.
Love you all!
~ Lovely

Yay!!

Finally my dad fixed the wifi!! Sorry I didn't post, didn't want to risk it on the home computer.
Soooo progress? I've kinda given up on the ABC diet. I just like to fast. And every time I eat, I've been purging. I don't know how to feel about it. Skinny thinks it's gross. But I like to know that no matter how much I screw up I can help fix it. I also like knowing all that food is coming out of me.. idk I'm weird. It's so hard to fast during the Christmas season. Ugh, for example I have a Christmas party tonight where I'm going to be expected to eat lots. But I'm going to try and refrain. Also, my brother is kinda chubby, so he wants to go to the gym everyday when he's home, I told him I'd go along with him : DDDD I'm excited to start working out again.
I loved catching up on all of your blogs, feels like home : ) I wish Skinny would post again!!!! She's just being lazy.
C and I have talked a lot. We decided not to date anyone in highschool. ha. Hopefully I can do that. I'm slowly but surely getting over A. It's really hard, but he's making it easy... he's being a douche. Oh! I just watched Dear John, cute movie : ) ANYWHO, I'm gunna get going, I'm caroling today. Wish me luck at the Christmas party!

Stay strong
~Lovely

this is it btw

Just thought I'd post the whole thingy, ya know, if you wanna join me : )
Ana Boot Camp
day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

rinse and repeat? 

New

I had a snow day today!! YAAAY!
I ate about 500 cals, all in soup haha.
I also worked a lot off by going sledding and just having fun in the snow <3
I'm starting a new diet, with a friend of ana, her blog is when it begins again, very good, I recommend it.
Today and tomorrow are under 500. Then it just keeps going. I'm super excited.
Back to school tomorrow :/ ahh well, last week before break. Also I watched Up again today, loooooooooove it sooooooooo much. One of the best movies ever, along with Finding Nemo and Lion King. I'm a disney kid fo sho.

Hope all is well. Love love love you all all all.
~Lovely

I do believe I have been changed for the better

I saw Wicked today.

Changed my life. Amazing, simply amazing.
Other than that I have no news... well A (my first love.. that I still love) and I talked for 40 minutes today about Wicked, he loves musicals... he's bi ha. But he knows I've been dying to see it, and he's seen it, so we talked about that and school for a bit. It was really nice.

Hopefully will eat under 500 cals tomorrow.

Hope everyone is doing well!
~Lovely

Baby it's cold outside

I love the cold <3
Intake was around 500, sadly.
I'm going to exercise all night, I don't feel like sleeping. : )
I love having new followers. I love old followers too.
Today was my last day of counseling, we both cried. I'll miss her, but I can do this on my own now. She doesn't know about Ana... but oh well.
Today was just an amazing day! I have loads of energy I need to rid from my system. So off I go!
Keep on smiling!
~Lovely

Blah days

Total calorie intake for the day? 409. Feeling pretty good about it, but I want to be in at least the 300's tomorrow. I got an application for my favorite coffee shop today. I turned it in and I guess they're hiring, so fingers crossed!

And if I work there that means I can skip meals for work, and have free drinks!! Yay! I love coffee. And I love the feeling I get there. So peaceful and accepting.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more exciting things to write about.

Stay thin!
~Lovely

No one mourns the fat.

I had to eat dinner... chinese. Ugh, if I had known that, I wouldn't have eaten 259 calories worth of before stuff. But oh well. Tomorrows a new day, I'll do better.

I'm wearing a skirt tomorrow!! Wish me luck hah.

I love you all so much, so stay skinny for me!!
~Lovely

Restricted

Hello all! It's been a while eh? Well I'm back, with a more realistic view on ana. I've decided I can't just not eat then binge.. not eat then  binge. I can't do it, it's not working whatsoever. Skinny and I have decided to give restricting a go. Today I only ate 405 calories. As the days go on, we're going to try and eat under 500 this week, and less and less. I personally want to eat less than 405 tomorrow, then less than that the next day, and so on.

Today I ate:
A glass of sunny d- 75 cals
2 candy canes- 220 cals
A piece of toast with a tablespoon of jam-110 cals

I have to admit I really enjoyed the toast. Tomorrow I plan on eating an egg-75 cals, a cup of grapes-64 cals, and sadly my dad is making chicken noodle soup, so a cup of that- around 80. That would put my total around 219... so I probably will have like 2 cups of grapes or something. I need it to be a little higher, so I have somewhere to go. NO MORE CANDY CANES!!!  I'm such a loser when it comes to sweets. ugh.

I wrote my ex bff C a note today, hopefully she finally forgives me. Also I'm talking to A a bit more. I've decided to show him I love him by not liking or dating anyone else.. ever. Ha. Quite a plan right? I just really want him back. He was the one. Skinny is doing really well, her boyfriend is her new thinspo.

Remember P? And how she was ana.. Well I found out today that she still is.. but I'm not going to tell her I am.. Cuz Skinny doesn't want me to.

YAYY CHRISTMAS SEASON!! I love/hate the holidays. I only don't like them because people expect me to eat.
Stay strong and skinny and adorable!!
~Lovely

Mommy yaaaay

It's my mamma's birthday : ))) And it snowed!!!! It was so beautiful, and peaceful, I loved it so much. My mom is probably the most amazing person I've ever met. My parents are getting divorced, and she is so strong and amazing. Sorry I just super love her. ha.

So I didn't eat at all until dinner, I had to eat with my mom, which I'm okay with because it's her birthday, and she deserves to eat with someone, and if that means that I have to hate how I look afterwards, so be it, because she needs it. We had pizza, it was fun, because after we ate we both felt really fat, then we decorated the house for Christmas. I just love little moments like that when you just really love your family.

Things just seem to be falling into place lately, I really love it. It's about time really. *Sigh* I'm just happy.

With this happiness, there comes fear that it will all fade away though. I don't like that part. Like Charlie Brown said "Charlie Brown: I think I’m afraid to be happy.

Lucy: How can you be afraid to be happy?

Charlie Brown: Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens."

Let's just hope nothing bad happens. 

You guys are gorgeous. 
~Lovely 

Skinny's what we aim for

Soooooo kinda been a while eh? Well, today was going fantastic until my mother decided to talk with me. Lately I've been feeling under the weather, and apparently I haven't learned, and told my mom. She was talking to me today and was like Lovely, have you been eating? 'Why of course I have, what are you talking about?' well you're sick and I never see you eat, so I think you not eating has caused you to become sick. 'But mom I eat all the time! You're being silly, I just have a bug.' well whatever you say, but I brought you some cake today, so please eat it.

 fjaioasufiosdafweahuiwe qio wior ueriwnu. I hadn't eaten anything all day. Chocolate cake. Chocolate. I only ate half though. But still! ugh. There was no way of avoiding it right? ughggioudguha. Anyways. I plan on not eating, ever, so she can suck it.

So my first love A has decided to become my friend again! I still love him, and I think he still has feelings for me too. But my mom really never wants us to be together ever again. : ( She thinks he's gay. But he's only bi. Ugh it's all really fucked up. She just doesn't want to see me get hurt again. ugh.

My ex best friend C started talking to me again also. Maybe she will finally forgive me! I really hope so, I miss her. But Skinny will always be my number one. I love her so much, she's just so freaking amazing.

All I can think about is not eating tomorrow, and seeing how long I can go without eating and food food food! Hahahahah I love it though. It's better than thinking about like death right?

Stay thin! WE can WIN!!

~Lovely

Well F me sideways

What a horrible food filled day. I really truely didn't want to post today, but I just want to get this day down so I can forget about it and move on. So yes, I ate a shit load today. I feel horrible. But the only thing making me okay right now is knowing that tomorrow I won't eat, and I'll be hungry. I love being hungry.

The only good thing about today was that I got to see my wonderful family. I love my little cousins. But it was weird because my parents recently got divorced, so I didn't eat dinner with my dad like I have for my whole life. It was kind of depressing. But I got to see him after dinner. It just wasn't the same.

I'm through with boys for a while now. A, my first love, hates me. He hates me, and it makes me cry. I miss him so much it actually hurts. It hurts even thinking about it. Ouch.

Skinny and I are decorating her house tomorrow, for Christmas. I'm really excited because I get to meet her sisters! Also I love Christmas, so that's good too. I've decided to set a goal for myself. By January 29th I want to meet my goal weight of 100 pounds. (Actually 99, but Skinny wants me to shoot for 100) but yes, that gives me about 2 months to get there, I think I can do it. All I've got to do is quit eating, no big deal ha. I seriously think I can do it though.

Well I hope everyone elses Turkey days went better than mine.

Stay beautiful and strong!
~Lovely

Pictures.. nerves

So, I decided to post pictures of my success.. or what I hope to think of as success. Skinny (live.laugh.love.it'sfastingtime) is the one on the left, I'm sitting down. You can see why she's my thinspo. She's incredibly skinny. And this is after eating for a day.

I will admit I love my collar bone in this picture.

Here's what I looked like when I was chubby.

 Ugh. It disgusts me. Freshman year. Gag. Never going back to that.


This is me at my skinniest.

This still isn't skinny enough for me though. I just want to be unbelievably skinny. I hope that day will be soon. I ate a bit today. A bit too much for me to want to post, but not enough for me to call a binge. I hope I can skip all meals tomorrow.

I had a lot of fun this week. I just don't want to think about my first love A or my ex best friend C. I just want to think about my amazing best friend Skinny and my new pals M and P. They love me for me, not who I used to be.

So, I hope we can all lose weight. I have faith in all of us.

~Lovely

Loss

I lost 2 pounds!!!!
115 bitchessss hahaha.
Soooo getting closer, I love it. Fasting = working. Love love love it. Didn't eat today. Just had a mocha. Got a little dizzy, but no biggie.

I let G know I wasn't looking for a relationship, he took it well, said he wasn't either, so that's good. Tomorrow Skinny and I are chillin, then I'm having a sleepover with M and P, we're going to Hell's Bridge with our ouija board hehe. Should be a good time. I'm not sure how to get out of dinner... but I know I will find a way. I've been so good with excuses lately, I'm actually kind of proud of myself.. wow weird.

I've been trying to stay up later so I can be awake to lose calories, but it's hard dude. Like it's midnight, and I have to wake up at 6:15 tomorrow (ugh) so I can take Skinny and myself to get mochas before school. So I'm already real tired, and tomorrow won't be better, even more tiredness. Oh well, being skinny is totally worth it. Love seeing my abs just because I'm skinny. LOVE it.

I'm thinking of posting some pics of myself.. idk is that weird? Prolly no face.. but like hopefully thinspo? Hmm I'll have to think about it and see what you guys say.

BTW!!! I'm so happy to have followers now, I feel like I'm actually talking to people now hehe. And I already love all you ladies <3

Stay thin and happy!
~Lovely

ps- What is everyone doing for thanksgiving? Kinda freaking out about it...

Better

Today I ate a fortune cookie, but that's all!
I'm pretty happy with that. I won't eat tomorrow though.
I found out that my pulse is 92 per minute when the regular is 72... so either I'm really stressed or something's wrong with me.. does ana have anything to do with this?

I'm beginning to calm down a bit, I was super stressed yesterday, it sucked. But now I'm back on track, takin tests and hanging with friends. Skinny is coming over tomorrow so we can avoid dinner together, plus we need a girls day.

G... well I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship quite yet. Love is hard to get back to, especially after long loving relationships. I was in a relationship for 2 years.. over 2 years actually. And we loved eachother, and I think I still love him. Does love ever go away though? Well, my parents are getting divorced, so either it goes away or it's just not enough sometimes. How incredibly sad. But I know I'll love again. Someone new, and better for me. I just have to wait.

In the meantime, stay skinny! And hott!! Ow OW!!
~Lovely

don't hate me

My dad took me out to dinner. I made Skinny go with me.

I fessed up to my recent cutting adventure, I cut my wrist and stomach last night. oops. off my pills for too long I guess.

I'm too tired to think. too tired to do school. too tired. tired. I think I'm losing it and I don't know why. Skinny is amazing. G is incredible. School... school is not so good lately. I just gotta get back on track right? fuck me thanksgiving. fuck.
sleep.

~Lovely

: / Failure

I'm so stupid.
I stayed home from school today because I didn't study for a test, so I tricked my parents into thinking I was sick. My stupid loving dad brought me soup, then crackers, then heated me up lasagna. So much for my fast starting today.

But I'm going to shake it off and start tomorrow. Skinny and I are going to the park after school, to walk calories off and talk. Then I'm seeing paranormal activity 2 with my pops. I'm excited to get scared. Recently I purchased a ouija board with my pals M and P. We used it, and it was super fun. Then we went to a cemetery late at night to look for a witch, we didn't see her, but it was still very scary. So I've been very big into getting scared.

G noticed I wasn't at school today hehe. I'm just so giddy about him.

I'm just ready to get skinny, that's all.

We're in to thin.

~Lovely

ENOUGH

Enough of this shit!
I HATE eating. No more eating on weekends. No more eating during the week. I'm going on a fast. A long one. Starting now. Til at least next week Sunday. A full week. I think I can do it. With the help of Skinny of course. And all of the amazing blogs I follow.
This week was very successful. This weekend.. not so much. But it's okay. This fast will make up for it. And it'll be a water one too. Unless I feel light headed, then juice.
Okay. I can do this. With help : )

SOOOOO... G and I snuggled while watching a movie on Friday, so I was kinda skinny, but it was really nice. Really nice.

I've decided to do a fun dance workout every single night. Dancing to up beat thinspo videos on youtube : ) I'm excited. It'll keep away the depression and help me lose calories right before bed too. yay!

Stay beautiful!
~Lovely

FAST FRENZIEEEE

I love fasting, I love it!
Even though this is a no solids fast, and I still get minimal calories, we're talking like at most 200 a day, I still love not eating any solids. It makes my tummy happy.

Tomorrow I can fast because I'm going to coffee with my classmates so I can say I'm eating with them. Then Thursday Skinny and I are spending the day fasting together. Then friday we're eating chinese with our dates... but we plan on purging. Then dinner, but purging that too.. I think.

So I've been forgetting to take my pills lately ahha.. That's why I've been so emotional. I take anti-depressants! Yay happy pills!! But they lower the chances of me being suicidal, so I like em.

G said I was really skinny today, he picked me up.. which I did not like. He's so friggin skinny, I need no other thinspiration than him. My pants didn't fit today. It was awesome hahaha.

I just love everything about being skinny! I want to fast and be with ana for the rest of my life!! Until I get pregnant.. hmm I wonder how that will work out..

I have a test tomorrow, so I'm outtieee. But yea, fasting for my second day now, can't wait for my third and fourth.

Being thin is the only way to be.
~Lovely

Good days

Today I have eaten.. nothing. My insides are pure and empty. I can feel it when water trickles into my stomach.
G is amazing. I know something is going to happen between us. Skinny and her guy are totally cute.

Every day I go without food gets easier and easier. I don't need food. Why did I ever think I did? Being skinny is so worth the hunger pains. Now that my stomach has shrunk, eating food hurts more than not eating food.

Tomorrow I won't eat.
we don't need food.
~Lovely

Ohhhhh G : )

So as you may have noticed from the title, G and I have been doing really well lately. We sat on the bus together, and I totally cuddled with him and slept on him, it was amazing. Then we placed 4th at state, and that's really good for our flight. So on the way home we snuggled and napped. Then at J's party we went for a walk and we told eachother our stories, and I'm so happy he knows it and doesn't really care : D. Now I don't have to feel like I'm hiding things from him. Skinny told me that she thinks he likes me : )))) So idk, hopefully something will come about from that.

I did so well this week. Then on saturday Skinny and I decided to celebrate and eat, not a lot, but still some. We decided to fast all week until friday, what a challenge! But I know we can do it, it feels so incredibly good to be empty. I just want to be able to say yea I haven't eaten in three days. How awesome would that be? Or to be able to say, yea I weigh a lot less than I should. Btw my current weight it 113. So close to 10 somethings, then 90 somethings. Ugh I want double digits like non other. I love seeing ribs hips and collarbones. Bones are beauty.

So get this, I'm in touch with God again. It's been so long since I've connected with him, but I finally realized all the signs. Skinny was put into my life at just the right moment, and she has a really good faith (I went to church with her today <3) And then there's G who is the most spiritual person I know. He leads youth worship at his church (he plays guitar) and he goes to church like all the time. He just recently invited me to go to his church, and I'm super excited. Skinny's man has also invited us to his youth group, so it's like God is shouting at me that he's present in my life : D.

I've decided that God wants me to fast. Jesus did it, maybe it will bring a clarity to my life. I feel like it already does. Fasting just seems like a good central thing to rely on in my life. Like I can always plan on it.

So on Friday, Skinny and I are going to double with G and her man, we're going to get chinese. It's a buffet, so we're going to totally pig out, then purge it all. I can't wait. My stomach already hurts from just eating a little, so I know I'll be able to purge it.

I can't wait to feel hungry again. I will reach my goal.

Thin is easy.
~Lovely

Oh what a day

I just enjoy not eating so much, once the first day is done it just makes me want to never eat again. But I did have two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Just because I thought I was going to faint.

Skinny had her first completely clean day today, I'm super proud of her : ))) She also helped me flirt with G. And now he talks to me a lot more <3 sooo happy!
I'm pretty sure I can sneak it into the convo that I want to sit with him. And I'm pretty sure he'll sit with me cuz hes such a sweetie.

I worked out so much at guard today, I definitely burned off those dreaded peanut butter spoonfuls. But I had this really weird thing where it was like cramps but I'm not on my period, and they were more sharp.. Anyone ever have that? It was very uncomfortable and lasted about an hour.

I look so skinny, I can't get over it. But I just want more more more! I want the weight to drip off me. To melt away. The longer I look the more imperfections I see. OH! And this girl who is like my biggest thinspo ever admitted that she used to be ana. So that is how she got so friggin beautiful. It works! lol. It's just nice to actually see major results in person.

Tomorrow Skinny and I eat nothing, unless we feel like we're going to faint..

stay thin! stay positive!
~Lovely

Clean

I feel so clean and as light as a feather! I ate... ready for this? NOTHING!!! Not a single bite of food crossed my lips today. It feels amazing. Tomorrow I will see the full results of today and I can't wait. Tight shirt for sure.

I didn't eat because I was so busy I think. I had singing lessons, then coffee with my friends I haven't talked to for a while, so we had coffee for like 2 hours. Then I came home and just did homework. Being busy=being thin.

Do I want to eat before colorguard tomorrow? Ana says no. My stomach says yes.. My brain is currently unsure.

Skinny says I should drink more sugary things to keep me going. I'm not sure I need them.. Maybe I do and I just don't know it. I did have a cinnamon spice tea latte today. It was fantastic, not gunna lie. Things just taste so much more after not eating all day. It's a bit addicting.

G and I talked again today : ) I definitely have a crush on him. He is so deep and musically inclined, I can't help but be attracted. He also is passionate about God and love. I mean come on! How much better does it get?!?! I really hope he figures out that I like him. Soon. I'm not very good at flirting. ugh.

I wonder how people maintain their weight. Like it feels like I'm always either gaining or losing. Never just staying the same. I need to figure that out for when I reach my goal.

goodnight for now
~Lovely

Government

Frickin student counsel made me eat half a bagel today. But that's all I ate. YAY! And my bro came over and ate like half my halloween candy. And I did crunches.. Idk why I did crunches, but I wanted to, so I did.

G and I have been talking a lot lately : ) He is so cute!! I really like talking to him. And he's really skinny hehe.

Skinny is a cutie of course <3

stay thin, stay classy ; )
~Lovely

Candy

It is so incredibly hard for me not to eat all of the candy I got trick or treating. So hard.
I didn't eat much today. Some candy and a couple bites of tuna helper. I don't plan on eating tomorrow.. or the next day. or the next day.
Well here's the new diet plan: Don't eat anything. Unless your parents make you eat dinner, if they don't, you can eat one piece of candy. But I think tomorrow, I'll just do nothing. Because it's a clean day anyways.

G is so fucking hott I can't stand it. I need to talk to him more. I can't stand the intense attraction I have towards him, ugh. And I finally told H that I don't like him, but he still is talking to me. weird. J doesn't know I don't like him, I don't know how to tell him : /
I saw G today and he winked at me : ))) *sigh* I think this is a big ol crush, and I loooove it. He is on drumline, so we ride the same bus, and this saturday we have a 3 hour busride... and I plan on sitting with him for at least some of it, I hope.

I wish people would follow me :/

Love you all!
~Lovely

Halloween!!

I had an awesome day today :) I'm very big into halloween. I was a ballerina. I didn't look as good today as I did on friday. I looked so skinny on friday.

This week has been really good. On friday I was down 5 pounds from monday. I haven't weighed myself since, because I know I'll be sad about it. Tomorrow is a lunch day though.. small lunch day. This is the last week before states for colorguard. So I need to do well, so I can look good at awards in front of the hundreds of people.

I honestly don't think I'll be able to stop after this week. Skinny isn't sure what she's gunna do yet. I just want to reach my goal. Before I turn 17. I could totally achieve that.

So yesterday I know I looked good, because someone asked me for my number : ))))
But I've decided I like G. He is just so awesome and really hott. Like sexy hott. I really want him to like me haha. And he's super skinny, so thinspo much?? I can't wait to see him tomorrow : )

Well I need my sleep dolls.
Stay strong beautiful and skinny!
~Lovely

So frickin close.

I was doing so well. I actually felt hungry, almost the whole day.
Then my mother made me eat dinner.
I only ate a small portion, but still, eating is eating. Can I seriously not go one single day without eating? fml.
Went to counseling today, got a lot out about my first love A. I still love him dearly and he won't speak to me. It's really quite sad. Actually really really sad..
Maybe I should put an all about me page on here. I think I will. I hope people start following me. kinda makes me feel lonely.
I got my ballerina costume today, I felt pretty in it : )
There's this kid Z who took me to homecoming, and he's super nice, and I think he likes me.. but I'm still in love with A but I know nothing will ever happen between us again. I don't really know what to do. I'm just so lost with love. I need guidance.
Skinny is so.. skinny, hah. It makes me extremely jealous. Yup skinny if you're reading this, you are my thinspiration, congrats : )
I just need sleep, I'm so moody.

We don't need food.
~Lovely

Agony

So the beginning of the day went really well.
Then I came home, and mother made me eat a pb and j and animal crackers.
Then all the rest of my night I was being super moody because I'm on my time of the month. So my mom was like go eat some icecream... and ya know what?? I did! I just ate it. And I don't care. Okay I do care, but I did crunches right after, because I didn't feel like purging.
I've decided to not eat unless someone makes me. Sorry if you find this out over the blog skinny. You don't have to join me, but I just need to fast.
I'm aching. I need my tummy to be invisible. I need my waist to not be 3 inches larger than my best friends. I need thin.
AND I NEED TO BE OFF MY F-ING PERIOD!!!
F THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!



sorry. like I said, super moody.
SO tomorrow, if all goes well... 0 calorie intake.

stay thin! you can do better than me

~Lovely

IM BAAAACK: D

SO! I'm so frickin glad to be back.
I felt like a lard ass the whole week we took off.
Now we are on the track to becoming beautiful and skinny.
I can't wait for tomorrow and the hunger it will bring. Finally a day without calories!
Halloween is coming up, skinny and I have decided to be ballerinas, what a task ahead of me. Have you seen ballerina thinspo? It's amazing. I wish I could look like they do, so elegant and long. I need to live up to the standard! I must not indulge!
I think I'll stop myself from eating by doing the mountains of homework I'm assigned everyday. ugh. school. gotta... hate it.
I went to the haunt which is a haunted house, it was ah-mazing! hah I had a great time with skinny, I love her so.
I kinda just wanna fast the whole week away, I need to look good as a ballerina for school and a halloween party I have to attend.
Today I had a small lunch, a pb and j. I wasn't hungry the whole rest of the day. Tomorrow will bring hunger pains, I hope. I need the reminder that what I'm doing does have an effect on my body. I need the pain. I sound weird don't I?
ANYWAYS! Have a great night ladies.
stay thin, we can win
~Lovely

Sorry

I'm taking a week off.
No blog posting (but I can't stop reading) and no ana. For a week.
Next week I'm going to need major encouragement. Major.
I'm sorry my loves.
~Lovely

stay strong and thin. you can win

UGHHH

I'm hating these binging saturdays. HATING. I think our diet plans need to change to maybe binging for like an hour. lmao. I have no idea, but somethings gotta change. I really don't want to talk about my weekend food wise. It was that bad. But I have a really great time, so I guess theres that.

Now that I'm ungrounded my girl skinny and I are going to be hanging out nonstop. We are gunna use eachother as excuses to not eat dinner (oh I ate at skinnys, and oh I ate at lovelys) soooo looking forward to that.

Tomorrow Skinny is coming over and we're watching a documentary on eating disorders that I've seen before, it's called thin. It's really good, and I have a site that shows it for free so yay long thinspo! lol

In good news, my legs are becoming more attractive, more either muscular or less fattier, I can't really tell, hopefully the latter. Well I must finish reading and get some sleep.

Stay thin, strong, and beautiful.
~Lovely

oh my gosh.

so I didn't plan on having a migraine today. ugh.
It was the worst feeling in the world! Right behind my eyes and it wouldn't go away. Eventually the pain got so bad I puked, so I went home... bad idea

While at home my father decided to be super nice and bought me saltines, sprite, and grilled cheese with tomato soup. so that's what I ate today. But nothing else, not even the pumpkin pie he made. Yay being stronger!

Tomorrow I plan on having a party at my house, hopefully I don't eat too much, just enough to sweep away suspicion.
I need sleep like non other though, so goodnight my sweets.

Stay thin, don't give in.
~Lovely

sooo yea

I've decided only to post my food related things when I do really well. So I'm not posting what I ate today.
I have decided that I am totally in love with singing. It is my number 2 favorite thing to do, next to color guard. But I can sing all the time, which isn't true with color guard. Today I had my first professional singing lesson and it was awesome! I loved it. The only thing I don't like about singing is that you have to stick out your stomach to breathe correctly. ugh.
I found a great thinspiration today. SURVIVORRRRR! It's so awesome! The people there are like expected to lose weight and basically starve, it's insane man. The girls on there were so f-ing skinny! I just want to be that skinny so badly. And I will be. Tomorrow's plan is just a granola bar before practice so I don't pass out.
Maybe on Friday I could just eat an apple before the show. I just want to stop eating. Forever. and ever. I wonder how long it would take before I passed out. Hmm, makes me want to try it.
So this kid I like on drumline is like suuuuper skinny, like the skinniest boy I've seen, so that is like major thinspiration, I mean I have to be skinnier than him, I just have to be. But this other guy on drumline likes me, and he looks exactly like sid the sloth. like completely. I just wish hott guys liked me ya know? Like why can't a hott guy like me. I'm hott! I'm skinny! ugh.
Maybe I'll start amping up my wardrobe. I just feel too fat to wear anything tight. Which just brings me back to losing more weight. It's like a vicious cycle.
Well for tonight I'll just watch some youtube videos on ana, love them so much.

STAY THIN! STAY STRONG!
~Lovely

yupyupyup

So I had 2 doughnuts, candy, and chips and cheese today.
Not too bad I think.... Okay it was kinda bad.
But at lunch my friend noticed that I don't eat much... so tomorrow we're eating lunch.
My skinny mocha friend has a blog now too, its one of the blogs I follow, and you should check it out. She's super awesome : )
So the show went great, we got superior ratings. And doing those shows burns a ton of calories. We also did a few ab workouts and cardio type things, so that should help burn off those dreaded sweets.
I need to drink more water I think.
Anyways, stay thin and beautiful!
~Lovely

ohhh goodness

So I did eat today. Ugh. I had a bag of chips (small bag mind you) and a pack of fruit snacks.
But I have practice tonight so I can work it off. My ana buddy (we'll call her skinny mocha) and I are going to run half mile and do an ab workout before practice, I'm super psyched.
Tomorrow's plan is to eat nothing all day then as a treat skinny mocha and I are getting a doughnut. Then on the bus candy.. then an apple.. then breadsticks. But we plan on purging the breadsticks. Skinny has some trouble with purging, so I'm going to show her how to do it. Any good tips out there?
Maybe I can talk skinny into not eating that much. Writing it down really shows me how much it is.
Lately I've just been so depressed. Hopefully this cleanish day will help me. And tomorrow, with the performance, should help too. I just feel so fat. ugh. fml.

anyways, stay lovely!
~Lovely

So exciting!

So I’m starting this blog to help me be more responsible for my eating actions. I don’t want to disappoint my followers, I want to be an example : ) so tomorrow I will not eat. I’m starting a day long fast, even though tomorrow was a lunch day. See I have this friend who is ana with me, and we worked out this whole diet plan and here’s how it goes

Sunday- lunch and dinner

Monday-lunch

Tuesday-clean day (nothing)

Wednesday-dinner day

Thursday-half sandwich day

Friday-granola bar day

Saturday-binge day

But you see we are in colorguard which means we perform a lot, so before performances we make ourselves eat an apple regardless of the day it falls on. We have a show on Tuesday and I am in dyer need of a clean day. So I’m making tomorrow a clean day. She doesn’t know yet. I hope she’s okay with it. She keeps me strong, and I keep her strong. It’s totally awesome. So my lowest weight was 105 my highest was 125. My current weight is 118, and I'm 5'6". Ugh. I long to be out of the teens. I will be skinny. I have to be.

So for now, stay skinny!

love, ~Lovely